Emotions cannot be dismissed; they must be allowed to run through us. Many people are afraid that if they allow themselves to feel emotion they will forever feel it. This is simply not true. A person with a healthy emotional constitution will process an emotion through their nervous system in about 15 minutes. How many people actually do this? Not many. This is not your fault. Many are conditioned from birth to stuff their emotions as if expressing them were a bad thing. What this has created is a sick culture, figuratively and physically.
Emotions are our guidance system. Much like a GPS, guiding us joyfully down the path to our destination, the afterlife. The further we are from balance in our lives, the more power we expend on the less pleasant emotions. Emotions like anger, deep sadness, unexplained grief, anxiety and apathy to name a few. When we don’t allow ourselves to listen to emotions appropriately we store them in our body, our nervous system and our mind. There they grow, eventually causing all kinds of deeper pain in our life. Things like cancer, addictions, unhealthy relationships and unfettered rage.
In order to assess if you are storing emotions ask yourself this….
- Have you ever participated in harmful behaviors (over-drinking, smoking, casual unprotected sex)?
- Do you tend to overexert yourself in any form of physical exercise?
- Do you not exercise at all?
- Do you feel like you choose the same partnerships every time? Same personality traits, different face?
- Do you have a hard time saying no?
- You have a hard time saying yes to fun adventures?
If you answered yes to any of these questions there is some room for more joy in your world. Let’s do this!
Allowance of emotional expression is not passive. Quite the inverse. Allowing yourself a window of time to feel emotion is to express a level of bravery which leads to a chemical response in your nervous system. Over time this brings a new perception of life. Externally illuminating emotions helps to calm the nervous system by diminishing the cortisol the body releases when guilt and shame are present. Expressing and allowing emotions also helps to increase dopamine and GABA (neurotransmitters of the brain) creating more availability for a stronger and clearer resolve to find balance in your experience of life.
One tool you can use is to set a timer and allow yourself 15 minutes to feel whatever emotion is up for you. Express in whatever way you feel led to for 15 minutes. Be mindful of others as well as your own safety, taking a bat to a wall may be a bad idea. This technique also goes for feeling the more enjoyable emotions as well. Sometimes when we get super excited, the body can read this as a stress. Balanced joy is the optimal place to be for a life well lived; when our emotions are like a roller coaster, we don’t get to enjoy the ride called life.
Would you like to learn more about processing emotion? There are a wealth of resources out there. Here are some links to my favorite books to get you started…
Benefit of Trauma 