In some circles, it can be quite a loaded topic…To Be Yourself. Living in a culture that has conditioned us to behave, believe and DO in such a specific way; being yourself can seem like a mixed bag of tricks to simply find a possible path back to your honest-to-God self. Most especially in the belief systems that espouse being yourself as a prereq to fitting in. But what these systems really mean is… follow the doctrine. It can sometimes feel when you’ve gotten close to maybe being on the right path–when you start to feel more joy and confidence in who you are–someone comes along and shames you for being you wrong! When that happens, BTW, it is only meant to be a mile-marker of how authentically you are living from your best self. If you buy their BS, you’re still working towards being fully unabashedly Yourself; And that is OK.
Here are some pointers from someone who has walked that path… and trust me, I still use these tools…
Consider this desire to BE oneself to be an adventure. Allow it to be a playful game. When you seem to come to a dead-end, BE curious about finding a new, mayBE hidden path. BE childlike in your exploration. Or most powerfully, pull out a machete and carve your own path through the magnificent forest that is all that is.
“And he said: “I tell you the truth… unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.”
~ Matthew 18:3
I have found that approaching excavating our full self as a child would approach a scavenger hunt is most of what makes up an authentic being. The action of playfulness makes the journey not only fun but IS actually what authentic being is in action. A child’s voice comes from a genuine heart. You are putting into action your desire when you come to it playfully and exploratively.
Find your Twingle Lights. Twinkle Lights are what I like to refer to as the people who are like-minded in their quest for true Beingness. They feel good to you; there is a mutual support of one another. As I experience feelings in images, I see the people who support and relate to my frequency as balls of shining light, twinkling from their hearts all over the world. That is why I started calling these people Twinkle Lights. You are pretty blessed if you met one of these people in kindergarten and have stayed friends all these years; they are usually the random person you meet at the grocery store or a coffee shop… just when you need someone.
The best thing about Twinkle Lights is that no matter where they are on the planet or in their own quest, you can feel your connection to them. This helps immensely when the sense of loneliness drops in to visit. If you slow your mind and open your heart you can feel your Twinkle Lights out there in the world. It assists in changing the mistaken belief that we are alone. Feeling your twinkle lights helps balance you on the challenging days for sure! Even if you cannot speak to them in the real; it’s enough to know they are there, supporting you across whatever distance there might be.
Set boundaries from the inside out. Setting boundaries from the inside out may seem contradictory, but in fact, it is the most healthy way to set a boundary. Inner boundaries allow us to make choices about how others’ behavior affects us and what we choose to do with it. to show the difference, an outer boundary is when we tell people how to treat us; which doesn’t usually work very well. An inner boundary is where we get to choose how to feel and respond to another’s way of treating us.
Setting a healthy inner boundary might look like being an open listener to those who share a different way of existing. Compassion is an example of a healthy inner boundary. When you can care for another and have empathy for their journey, while allowing their journey to be different from yours… a healthy inner boundary is at play.
Another shape a healthy inner boundary might take is to be willing to walk away from people that slow your roll (rd: shaming, gaslighting, re-traumatizing humans). In spiritual communities, it is often said that people who activate unhealthy patterns (triggers) or frustrate us are our greatest teachers. While not untrue, it is only a small part of the truth and it is often misinterpreted.
While people who activate us can be teachers, the teaching comes less from our being able to love them, but more from our being able to hold a strong sense of security and trust in ourselves when in their presence. A healthy inner boundary would include recognizing the difference between someone whose behavior gives you the opportunity to stretch yourself and maintain your inner light in their presence vs. people who slow your progress causing you to feel stuck, disoriented and question your place in the world.
I can tell you this… If someone makes you question your place in the world, I can guarantee your place is not beside them. AND THAT is the role that specific “teacher” played in your life. Now get away from them… please.
The golden ticket regarding becoming yourself is this… the more often you are comfortable being joyful in the action of living your everyday life with a sense of childlike wonder for the life-long exploration, even the shitty parts, the easier it becomes to Be. Some would call that enlightenment; some would call it bullshit.
Benefit of Trauma 