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Revoking Narcissistic Energy

I was mucking the goat shed one day when it hit me, “She is a narcissist; you know that. Your response to her energy is your own; you know that. Why are you giving her your valuable energy?” The truth was… I had stayed on this property and taken her shit because I was tired of dealing with narcissistic personality disorder and I knew the answer to ridding myself of this albatross was inside me. So I stayed in the presence of her bad behavior while I did the inner inquiry work with the goal of finding the attachment to narcissist behavior patterns I seemed to carry around with me. It took about 6 months—give or take—but I found what inside of me hooked that behavior and I revoked narcissistic energy from my life… finally!

If you are involved with someone who presents with strong narcissist tendencies and have spoken to anyone about it they might say, “Why do you let them affect you? Let it go.” Aside from that being a shitty thing to say to someone struggling, there is a reason they are not affected and you are. There is a reason they don’t get what you are going through. Find some gratitude for their not knowing and find someone who does. If you are really desiring to revoke the narcissist energy; you need a team that gets where you are at.

*Do be careful of support groups though. There are a lot of people who might have left a narcissist partner, but then find themselves caught in their own victim archetype. Believe me, the victim archetype is equally draining.

The reason you are challenged to let it go is that somewhere in your body—because, as you know, emotion and memory are stored in the body—you have a hook around narcissist behavior. Somewhere in the subconscious of your mind; there is a fear or an anger or a deep sadness pertaining to some aspect of this personality trait. This grief/sadness/anger is represented as the hook in the below story…

Imagine yourself standing on a sunny riverbank, water flowing effortlessly over the rocks creating a cacophony of sound ever so pleasant to your ears. You have heard this river is polluted and that great shining fish that were known to be dangerous swam the waters, but it appeared so beautiful in the light of the sun. You have a fishing pole in hand, a hook and a container full of the fattest juiciest worms. You load your hook, raise your pole and zippppp… out into the water it goes, landing just where you wanted it to.

A great shining scaled fish swims by and takes your hook into its mouth. You’re so excited! It starts to pull you downstream. That’s ok, it’s a gorgeous day and the path along the river is glorious. You follow the path on the edge of the stream, slowly reeling in what is certainly the most amazing fish. The fish comes a little closer and you become hopeful to get it onto land soon. On and on this goes, you slowly reeling in the mystery fish. The fish is so close! Its beautiful large tail is swimming so hard it pushes a rock from the stream into your path. In your excitement, you miss the rock and with a monstrous splash, you land ass over teakettle in the water… but check you out! You continue to hold onto the rod!

So here you are being dragged along, water in your eyes, banging up against rocks and bouncing off debris. It would be wise to let go of the pole. Maybe you don’t want to have wasted the time it took to get here, maybe you think it’s just going to take a little more work and you’ll land this fish. You stubbornly refuse to let go of the pole.

AND THAT is where the work starts. Because the truth about you is you do have the power to stop being dragged along by this. The action of letting go doesn’t start at the point of disengaging from the fish or even releasing the pole you have gripped so firmly. It starts when you ask yourself, “Why did I have a hook in the water I knew was polluted to begin with?”

Are you following me? If you aren’t, it’s ok. You can come back to this next part another time when you are more open to receiving. But if you are really F*ing DONE with narcissist behavior patterns affecting your life, if you are done with the lies and the demeaning and the gaslighting and your shame affect thumping like a migraine in your solar plexus… put down the defensiveness, open your mind and continue to read.

I am a huge fan of bullet points so here are some pointers on revoking the energy of a narc.

  • Do some inquiry work around why you were fishing in a polluted river known to contain dangerous fish to begin with. Write it down. Look at it. Examine it on all sides.
  • Imagine the kind of river you would like to be fishing in. Or even better, how to get good clean fishes to jump right into your basket at the shore.
  • Laugh with yourself when you realize you ever thought you should consume dirty fish.
  • Let go of the pole and get out of the water.
  • Walk to a clean river.

It is that simple, but each step is based on your willingness to ask for support and do the deep inner work of finding the hook inside you. As it turns out, my hook was my grandfather. My grandfather who had incested me as a child had strong narcissist tendencies. In all of the work I’ve done around my grandfather and incest, it never even occurred to me that he might have been a narc. It seems so obvious now! It honestly made me laugh when I truly grokked the core of the issue.

How did I get to this realization? When doing inner work I spend a lot of time in prayer (asking) and meditation (listening). I express my desire to Source/God to heal, being as specific as I can and I listen for the answer. I also reach out to friends and support groups that I trust to be straight up and give me real-life answers. But you do you. What works for you when working on clearing a hook?

The answers are everywhere; you only must be willing to see them. I lifted a pallet to get the goat poop when I was able to allow the answer in. How did goat shit help you might ask? Here is the deal… you dont necessarily see the poop in a pen without lifting the pallet. Humans are like that too. We present as one way when actually, there is a lot of shit hiding out.

It’s not meant to be like that. Humans all over the world were conditioned to believe we had to present as always pleasant and hide our pain; It’s a lie. That conditioning is also a HUGE factor in attracting narc behavior and sadly, how narcissistic behavior came to be. Someone didn’t get heard long enough that it putrified in their system and they became toxic to themselves and others.

So, I look under this pallet and there I find shit and shit-eating bugs galore. That is when it hit me, “You are allowing her to take your energy. She is a narcissist. Clean this up.” It didn’t happen like “POOF”, though it does often feel that way when a new neural pathway is forming in the brain, Suddenly things that looked insurmountable become sensible, “This isn’t my shit to deal with; so why am I dealing with it?”

As you do the work, those hooks take on a characteristic more like velcro. What this means is rather than latching on and being hard to get off, it just kinda sticks to you but is easily removed. Celebrate doing the work. Celebrate when a hook becomes velcro. You are heading in the right direction.

Another key to this is not to beat yourself up for having those hooks to begin with but to celebrate that you are willing to look at them now and clean them up. ALL humans have hooks someplace; it’s a part of being human. Call bullshit on your mind when it tries to tell you you are the only person who ever had a hook. There are a hundred million thousand support groups in the world; trust me a lot of people have hooks. In a world where victimization is the popularly acceptable narrative around the watering hole, be careful not to get sucked in. You are not alone.

You have got to accept facts; You cannot change a narc. Whatever programmed them to turn to the dark side is not even something you can conceive of. Be grateful that you will never understand the darkness they allowed to consume them. Once a once fabulous human is consumed by the darkness they allowed to eat their soul; they cannot see the light, they can only consume it in service of their sickness.

Get out of their way.

Remember: Darkness cannot survive without light. Feeding it only empowers it to create more pain. In Florida, there are signs that say, “Dont feed or molest the alligators”. I’ve always laughed at that because who would actually want to molest an alligator? Yet we do it every time we engage and allow narcissistic behavior into our lives.

If you would like to work with me on your journey towards revoking the energy of a narcissist I’d be thrilled to work with you.


Here are a couple reminders to assist as you start your journey…

  • Don’t expect a Narc to change for you; don’t go into the magical thinking that YOU can change them.
  • Don’t get surprised when after a time of peace and harmony, they resort back to their old behavior. Wishing that the good behavior will stick in a narcissistic is like thinking, “The sky is blue! Dammit! Why is the sky suddenly blue on this clear sunny day? I was enjoying the most beautiful sunrise with all sorts of color and I want that back.”
  • After leaving narcissist energy refrain from constantly bring to mind the narcissists behavior of past. A trick I use for that—and a lot of other useless thoughts is a technique from Mel Robbins to count backwards from 5-1. It works! When your thinking thoughts that don’t produce healthy emotions, break the mental muddle by counting backwards and think a new thought!
  • A certain amount of grieving is important, Please find a grief coach or a good friend to lean on for grief, but more important is changing the behavior that allowed the narc behavior to find its way into your head space to begin. Playing the victim archetype doesn’t support healing.


There is so much more I could share on this topic! If you got this far… Thank you. If you would like support in working to unhook from narcissist energy please reach out! I’d love to work with you.

One of my favorite Zen Buddhism parables…

Two monks were washing their bowls in the river when they noticed a scorpion that was drowning. One monk immediately scooped it up and set it upon the bank. In the process he was stung. He went back to washing his bowl and again the scorpion fell in. The monk saved the scorpion and was again stung. The other monk asked him, “Friend, why do you continue to save the scorpion when you know its nature is to sting?” “Because,” the monk replied, “to save it is my nature.”

Zen Buddhism Parable

I relate to it so much because it is also my nature to save. HOWEVER. I had to learn, over and over again, that you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. It will suck, for you, every time.

The Five Rs of Recovery: Keeping Your Mind Out of the Shit Zone

Keeping your mind out of the shit zone would seem to be a noble cause requiring a lot of positive affirmations and compartmentalization. These tools are the bandaids that most modern-day humans use, in fact. In some circumstances, compartmentalizing is a valuable temporary tool, but as a long-term solution, it is about as useful as putting a tourniquet on a sabar wound, but never sewing up the gash. 


In order to integrate trigger:activators we must do the work of integrating them when they surface. I am certain that as you learn to experience trauma surfacing as a blessing, you will easily be doing this work in a time frame that meets your needs AND your schedule.

But first, let me tell you about why I am writing this…TODAY. In the last few weeks, I have found that my newly minted relationship has been activating some old mental programs. These programs are telling me that the behavior of the person I am currently dating is far too similar to the behavior of my ex-husband.

My “wasband” happened to be emotionally, mentally and physically abusive. By physical abuse, I will share that he once chased me down because I said I was scared of him and beat me while telling me that I was the strongest woman he had ever known so there was no way I could be afraid of him. True story. That beating put me in a doctor’s office with broken bones.

It is not a wonder that my brain has some neural pathways that fire oddly. Much of my formative years was a strange assortment of mixed messages, compounded by sexual abuse. If you have been following me for a while, you know that others in my life have also used this odd tacit to make me submit. Calling me beautiful, strong, wise, etc… while causing me mental, physical or emotional harm. This sort of abuse causes you to question your sanity + sense of identity.

If you are reading this, you most likely have knowledge of the damage that kind of manipulation can cloud one’s optimal mental function. Maybe you’ve done the work to integrate the damage but still notice that you frequently look–consciously or unconsciously–for similarities in your current life, relationships, and partnerships comparing them to the past. This is a totally natural action of mind that can be useful as well as undermining if not utilized correctly.

Below is the pathway I take to assist in getting out of trauma mind and back to my center. It is so important to your well-being to be in a place where you can trust yourself to make healthy choices by the ability to look at your present circumstances through a rational lens rather than through the subjective or survival lens.

1) Recognise. Become aware that your mind is perilously close or has entered a triggered:activated place. A great way to tell how out of balance you might be in a given moment is to notice how the present circumstances connect with your thoughts around it. If your mind is telling one story while your experience is telling another, you might be in trauma mind. 
2) Review. Drop into a meditative:still space and ask yourself, “Where is this coming from?” Please be mindful to avoid asking, “How do I get rid of…? We are not trying to rid ourselves, we are integrating emotion and bringing balance through loving attention.

Allow your mind free reign; allowing what comes up. So often we limit the truth by overriding it with thoughts like, “I already did that work.” Soothe your saboteur by witnessing what your mind presents. These are the clues to finding the root cause of discomfort.

Do not be surprised if images of the past surface. Most recently–regarding my current relationship–what came up when I got still enough to pay attention was my ex-husband. There is a facial expression that my current partner makes when feeling stressed. This look triggers a memory that causes CPTSD to activate. Once I was able to see that, I felt soooo much relief! Wouldn’t you if you realized that you didn’t have to leave your partner, or blame them or yourself for what is essentially a misunderstanding?

3) Repair. There are so many tools available to us to repair the neural pathways of our brains. What works for me may not work for you. I call in my Guides, the White Brotherhood, Lords of Karma and do cord-cutting, forgiveness (of self and other) and breathwork when practicing on my own. When I need support I call on friends and therapists that do work like EMDR and ART (the image is of me doing ART therapy) therapies. Use whatever tool works for you.

4) Release. Ohhhhhh… that cheezy pseudo-spiritual line that so often people put BEFORE doing any of the above work. Yeahhhhh, it dont work that way homey. Release happens only AFTER doing the above sequence. If you are still feeling the same way, go through the steps again.

If there were to be a step 5, this would be it…

5) Remarkable. Get out there and experience your remarkable self having done the work to advise the neural plasticity of your own brain. Remark on your own power to illicit change!

Go have some fun. Remember to ground and give thanks for another day to make your life magical!

Goodbye MoFo: I love you


The other day, I spoke to a friend who shared that she was entangled in an intense fear of rejection yet was motivated to share with someone in order to be noticed. She went on to say that all she wanted was to love this person unconditionally. The issue is… this person gaslights and demeans her every time they talk.

Does this sound familiar to an experience you may have had/are having with someone in your life? I can promise you, I have been in my friend’s shoes, frequently. I have been in her shoes enough times that the discomfort led me to find my way out of ever walking that path again.

The blessing in these kinds of people is that they mirror our inner beliefs about ourselves. This makes it easier to see the areas we allow people to harm us.

Spiritualists EVERY WHERE

Here is where remapping our nervous system comes into play… calling someone’s bad behavior a blessing is a stretch. Giving credit to people who reinforce your trauma response is a thought which is not sourced on solid ground but most often from a spiritualist’s mistake in defining “unconditional love”.

How does this reframe feel in your body? …

YOU had the ability to acknowledge an ongoing fear of rejection which is being activated by the person you are allowing to reject you.

It might feel uncomfortable to the part of your nervous system that has a challenge owning your value. OR it might feel wonderful to know, it’s not them, it’s YOU that deserves the credit for recgonizing a pattern of abuse towards yourself and correcting it.

“God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.”

1 John 4:16

In many spiritual circles loving unconditionally is preached, but not taught. Seeking to love unconditionally, as it is preached, is not the inner work. It’s a tool used in an attempt to be seen well in the eyes of others. Believing that we are meant to love ALL people, unconditionally, regardless of their harm towards us, perpetuates a shame affect. This shame keeps us stuck in a spiral of self-loathing that actually blocks our ability to love unconditionally.

Frankly, very few people have the ability to love unconditionally, not even Jesus, when he was incarnate, unconditionally loved everyone. Jesus knew who he was; that was his love offering. Knowing oneself is the only way to build one’s own capacity to love unconditionally. 

When I realized that my desire to unconditionally love was directly tied to my allowing people to treat me poorly–a co-dependent response to trauma–I needed a way to change my brain’s cycle of self-abuse. This is when “Goodbye MoFo: I love you” was born. Stating these words when I was tempted to reach out to the unhealthy individual allowed my conditioned programming, “to love unconditionally,” to slowly reframe to self-love while also allowing healthy anger to play its role in reprogramming my brain towards a more loving action for all parties, most importantly, myself. 

Also, no need to use profanity if that is uncomfortable for you; use any word combination that helps you to break the cycle of mind that keeps you stuck in putting your love outside of yourself. MoFo can be replaced with any vernacular that works for you.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do, and greater works than these will they do because I am going to the Father [God is Love]. Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father [God is Love] may be glorified in the Son [YOU!].”

John 14:12-19

Tools for your journey…

  • Self-love is the only way to elicit healing in another. You cannot love someone else so much that they stop treating you poorly. What you CAN do is open yourself to a level of self-love so fully that this action examples what you wish to give others AND what you are willing to accept for yourself.
  • A topic that has come up frequently is the deep sense of connections we feel with someone which we then label as “soulmate” or “twin-flame” energy. It is super important to understand that a deep mystical connection does not a soulmate make. AND regardless of how we identify a person, allowing bad behavior is not ok. Our minds may want us to believe that a magical love is causing all the upheaval when actually it is because youre attempting engage lovingly with a deeply wounded human.
  • People who communicate healthfully are able to do so without gaslighting and shaming. If either of those is present in the relationship it’s usually a good time to take space. Abuse is NEVER a part of healthy loving relationships. 
  • Faith grows by practicing faith. My own faith stems from the blessing of my childhood abuse, but as an adult, it took me many years to recover the faith I had as a child.
  • People who are not ready to open themselves up to their own love hurt others as a result. The best thing you can learn from these people is how to build your own inner love tank by removing yourself from their presence. 

“As a soul transitions, the continuation of its journey on Earth is chosen with great delight. From your current vantage point, you may believe you would choose to abandon the struggles and worries you face today; but the incredible vision a soul attains while leaving its body is the most Holy and pure sight. There is an immediate and overwhelming sense of gratitude drawn from every single experience left behind, especially those in which it was elusive and unrealized. Deep appreciation for every human exchange rises in waves of bliss as a soul catches a glimpse of the unknown healer it was in each moment, despite great pain and discomfort. This blissful immersion into self-love is the first step towards a full reunion with God-consciousness. It is undertaken slowly and gradually so as not to miss out on every occasion to revel in a soul’s earthly experiences through Heavenly eyes. The intense joy of this process is what brings a soul back to Earth to incarnate again. It delights in the chance to hold this Heavenly perspective while embodied once more.”

~Mary Magdalene (channeled by Micheilla Sheldan)

Lassoing Neural Transmitters


When you truly want to heal something, it’s helpful to break it down to its rawest components. It’s easy to say, “I behave like [this] because I had [the event] happen in my life.” But consider how limiting that belief is. Do you like it when others limit you? If you answered no to the previous question having the knowledge that you are limiting yourself with your own beliefs must feel frustrating. Not only is it limiting, but it is also like saying, “I am broken + unhealable.” Yuck…

There are innumerable reasons why understanding the science of trauma is a powerful and simple tool for improvement as you work towards your goal of spending more time in joy rather than anger, sadness, depression or apathy. Is there anyone who doesn’t want more joy + less pain in their life? Granted, there are people who have created an identity out of pain, which then becomes an addiction to pain–but as a rule–most humans want to experience joy. If you are one of those people who is stuck in a pain cycle–by choice or by chance–understanding how the science of trauma works will be useful. 

What happens to the brain when someone experiences an event that causes some part[s] of the brain to function outside of the “normal range”? Being as our brains are malleable, there are many different ways that an individual might develop trauma. While the physical components of the brain are generally the same in everyone, the way the parts of the brain work together (or don’t) is unique to every single person on the planet. Starting as a fetus in our mother’s womb, our brains start to create neural pathways that will shape our personality and way of responding/reacting to events. 

Without going into a full science class about the human brain I want to share with you a few tips to become aware of as you work on reorganizing your own brain’s electrical system. I call this, lassoing neural pathways. I do suggest you do some of your own research on brain development and function though. Some say knowledge is power and in this instance, that cliché is most definitely true. Outside of the language of brain function, images are a wonderful tool in understanding, especially if you are a visual learner.

I am one to think in pictures. I do this because as a child being sexually abused, parts of my brain became over-developed and some became under-developed. This early developmental trauma is part of the reason I am able to be so descriptive in my vocabulary and share challenging concepts with others in a way that makes sense. I have the ability to describe an experience as if I were sharing what a piece of art looks like with a blind person. OTOH, when I am agitated,  this condition makes it challenging for me to get my words out because I am blind with rage, making it hard to describe my emotions verbally. 

Allow me to share an image behind the science of trauma…

When the trauma-inducing stimuli occurs a schism is created in the brain. The younger you were and/or the more severe the incident, the deeper the schism. Imagine that schism as a skinned knee. When you were little and skinned your knee you or someone else would clean the wound, remove debris, wipe away the blood so that healing ointment could be applied. If it was deep, maybe you needed stitches. Over time, the knee scabbed over and eventually, new skin grew to replace the damaged tissue. Sometimes it left a scar; if it wasn’t too deep and got proper immediate care, maybe no scar at all.

A similar action happens in the brain. And sadly, the kind of experience which causes trauma most often is not accompanied by cleaning up the wound or receiving kisses to help in healing. So rather than the brain tissue healing back to its natural state, scar tissue develops covering the dirt that was never cleared. Neural transmitters had to carve a new pathway to travel from one place to another because scar tissue is not the best conductor of electricity.

When I learned this about the brain, I began to understand what was happening when my reaction was out of line compared to the stimuli. I began visualizing lassoing the neurotransmitter that was going to the place in my brain that caused the strong reaction and imagining it going to the place in my brain which allowed me to respond more effectively. Doing this repeatedly, I began to notice the way I responded to the stimuli change.

I suppose growing up in the country, I attended more than one rodeo. This is most likely where my visual of “lassoing” stems from. Please, use whatever imagery feels and works best for you. You dont have to know where the neural pathway is supposed to go; you need only desire a healthier response to stimuli. When you become aware of the over-response or reaction, you begin to learn how to stop it before it interferes with your day. 

I love bullet points, don’t you? Here you go… 

  • Find yourself in an environment that causes a strong reaction in you. 
  • As soon as you feel yourself start to become activated, visualize the way you WANT to respond. 
  • Visualize pulling the neural transmitter towards a part of your brain where you will get the desired response. 
  • Repeat as necessary.

The magick: the science of shifting your brain’s neural response happens at that moment when you catch the behavior you are trying to alter before exhibiting it. It is equally beneficial when you miss the chance to grab a thought before acting on it, to forgive yourself. The truth is you didn’t fuck up again, you acted in a way that is hardwired, literally into your nervous system.

Anyone you are in a relationship with can be useful to lassoing. Roommates are great for this kind of work; they don’t have to be cooperative to be useful. In fact, if they aren’t, it could bode in your favor, though it won’t likely keep the house peaceful. If you have a friend you can work with or a therapist, all the better! If you can practice this technique in a controlled + safe environment that is amazing! If not, be aware of opportunities to practice in the world but please, be safe about it. Dont go roaming in the bad part of town at 2 AM or hang out in a bar if you are an addict. Use your head, peeps!

Be patient with your progress. I promise you, with effort and awareness, one day the new behavior will become automatic. You won’t even notice at that moment it happens because it will be a part of your autonomic nervous system. When you look back at your day and realize you didn’t react in a way you normally would celebrate! Do a little dance, make a little love, get raised tonight!

For assistance; follow me!

Being Yourself (and the many paths to You)

In some circles, it can be quite a loaded topic…To Be Yourself. Living in a culture that has conditioned us to behave, believe and DO in such a specific way; being yourself can seem like a mixed bag of tricks to simply find a possible path back to your honest-to-God self. Most especially in the belief systems that espouse being yourself as a prereq to fitting in. But what these systems really mean is… follow the doctrine. It can sometimes feel when you’ve gotten close to maybe being on the right path–when you start to feel more joy and confidence in who you are–someone comes along and shames you for being you wrong! When that happens, BTW, it is only meant to be a mile-marker of how authentically you are living from your best self. If you buy their BS, you’re still working towards being fully unabashedly Yourself; And that is OK.



Here are some pointers from someone who has walked that path… and trust me, I still use these tools… 

Consider this desire to BE oneself to be an adventure. Allow it to be a playful game. When you seem to come to a dead-end, BE curious about finding a new, mayBE hidden path. BE childlike in your exploration. Or most powerfully, pull out a machete and carve your own path through the magnificent forest that is all that is.

“And he said: “I tell you the truth… unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.”

~ Matthew 18:3

I have found that approaching excavating our full self as a child would approach a scavenger hunt is most of what makes up an authentic being. The action of playfulness makes the journey not only fun but IS actually what authentic being is in action. A child’s voice comes from a genuine heart. You are putting into action your desire when you come to it playfully and exploratively.

Find your Twingle Lights. Twinkle Lights are what I like to refer to as the people who are like-minded in their quest for true Beingness. They feel good to you; there is a mutual support of one another. As I experience feelings in images, I see the people who support and relate to my frequency as balls of shining light, twinkling from their hearts all over the world. That is why I started calling these people Twinkle Lights. You are pretty blessed if you met one of these people in kindergarten and have stayed friends all these years; they are usually the random person you meet at the grocery store or a coffee shop… just when you need someone.

The best thing about Twinkle Lights is that no matter where they are on the planet or in their own quest, you can feel your connection to them. This helps immensely when the sense of loneliness drops in to visit. If you slow your mind and open your heart you can feel your Twinkle Lights out there in the world. It assists in changing the mistaken belief that we are alone. Feeling your twinkle lights helps balance you on the challenging days for sure! Even if you cannot speak to them in the real; it’s enough to know they are there, supporting you across whatever distance there might be.

Set boundaries from the inside out. Setting boundaries from the inside out may seem contradictory, but in fact, it is the most healthy way to set a boundary. Inner boundaries allow us to make choices about how others’ behavior affects us and what we choose to do with it. to show the difference, an outer boundary is when we tell people how to treat us; which doesn’t usually work very well. An inner boundary is where we get to choose how to feel and respond to another’s way of treating us.

Setting a healthy inner boundary might look like being an open listener to those who share a different way of existing. Compassion is an example of a healthy inner boundary. When you can care for another and have empathy for their journey, while allowing their journey to be different from yours… a healthy inner boundary is at play. 

Another shape a healthy inner boundary might take is to be willing to walk away from people that slow your roll (rd: shaming, gaslighting, re-traumatizing humans). In spiritual communities, it is often said that people who activate unhealthy patterns (triggers) or frustrate us are our greatest teachers. While not untrue, it is only a small part of the truth and it is often misinterpreted.

While people who activate us can be teachers, the teaching comes less from our being able to love them, but more from our being able to hold a strong sense of security and trust in ourselves when in their presence. A healthy inner boundary would include recognizing the difference between someone whose behavior gives you the opportunity to stretch yourself and maintain your inner light in their presence vs. people who slow your progress causing you to feel stuck, disoriented and question your place in the world.

I can tell you this… If someone makes you question your place in the world, I can guarantee your place is not beside them. AND THAT is the role that specific “teacher” played in your life. Now get away from them… please.

The golden ticket regarding becoming yourself is this… the more often you are comfortable being joyful in the action of living your everyday life with a sense of childlike wonder for the life-long exploration, even the shitty parts, the easier it becomes to Be. Some would call that enlightenment; some would call it bullshit. 

The choice is yours.

Kitchari Fasting

Kitchari

There are as many ways to make Kitchari (Kitcharee) as there are conditions in the body that can be transformed through food. Without going into the details of the doshas and what foods support which dosha or imbalance (I’ll share a website I find useful for your own research), Im going to give you a simple recipe that you are totally free to change up as you like. I like to call recipe guidelines rather than road maps. Play with it, see what works for you!

  • 1c. Mung Beans (sprouted)
  • ½c. Quinoa (soaked for at least an hr and drained)
  • any combination of fennel, cumin, turmeric, coriander, cardamom, cinnamon, cayenne, salt, pepper, garam masala, ginger (raw) and/or curry (Mix and match)
  • A blend of seasonal veggies (chopped any way you want)
  • 1/4c. Ghee (or more depending on desire)
  • 1 piece of Kombu (broken up)
  • small onion and lots of garlic (or not)
  • Mushrooms (shitake, baby bellas or foraged are best)
  • Love and presence

I like to prep all my ingredients before cooking. It is calming to me having bowls of everything laid out and prepared, allowing for different cook times and styles (ex. beets, potatoes, yams in one bowl because they take more time. Greens, brussel sprouts, and cabbage in another as they take less time). Drain the *sprouted mung beans and rinse the *soaked quinoa.

Turn the heat on high, and add ghee. As the ghee is melting, add the diced onion and ginger. Sautee in the pan until the onions are just starting to caramelize. Add mushrooms (if using), continuing to sautee. If you need more ghee add it now.

Once the mushrooms have cooked down, al dente, add your spices, mixing well to coat everything. Add water and stir to deglase the pot. Add more water + the longer cooking veggies and kombu at this time. Give it another stir. Increase heat, cover and bring to a boil. After the first boil, add the other veggies + quinoa. Add more water if you like, you can make it soupy or stew like, its up to you! Bring to a simmer and let it cook to your desired level.

Now is the time to add your sprouted the mug beans! There isn’t a need to cook for a long time, the less time the more nurtirients. I like to cook my Kitchari just to the point that the root veggies are al dente. But you do you! Just remember that the more you cook, the more you alter the nutrients in the food.

I am Pitta/Vata, so I like to add yogurt and avocado to my dinner portion as it is best to take fats in the evening.

As promised, here is a great website packed with great knowledge to research Ayurvedic medicine, the doshas + the nutritional effects of spices and veggies… Joyful Belly

कृपया भोजन शुरू कीजियै!  (kripyā bhojan shuru kijīyai) Bon appétit!

*Mung Beans are like candy when sprouted. They are also easier to digest as the shell is softened + opened. I start the sprouting process a couple days before I plan to cook. Place in a large bowl and cover in filtered water (rd: avoid tap water unless you are on tested well water). The mung beans will double or even triple in size! Drain the water and fill to cover the beans again and leave over night. Depending on the temperature in the room, they will sprout in a couple days.

*Quinoa can be rinsed and soaked until sprouted (same method as the beans) or you can just give them a good rinse in a sieve strainer before use to get the husk off (the husk is bitter). If you sprout them, put them into the Kitcheree at the very end with the Mung Beans.

A Sad..

Emotions cannot be dismissed; they must be allowed to run through us. Many people are afraid that if they allow themselves to feel emotion they will forever feel it. This is simply not true. A person with a healthy emotional constitution will process an emotion through their nervous system in about 15 minutes. How many people actually do this? Not many. This is not your fault. Many are conditioned from birth to stuff their emotions as if expressing them were a bad thing. What this has created is a sick culture, figuratively and physically.  

Emotions are our guidance system. Much like a GPS, guiding us joyfully down the path to our destination, the afterlife. The further we are from balance in our lives, the more power we expend on the less pleasant emotions. Emotions like anger, deep sadness, unexplained grief, anxiety and apathy to name a few. When we don’t allow ourselves to listen to emotions appropriately we store them in our body, our nervous system and our mind. There they grow, eventually causing all kinds of deeper pain in our life. Things like cancer, addictions, unhealthy relationships and unfettered rage.

In order to assess if you are storing emotions ask yourself this….

  • Have you ever participated in harmful behaviors (over-drinking, smoking, casual unprotected sex)?
  • Do you tend to  overexert yourself in any form of physical exercise?
  • Do you not exercise at all?
  • Do you feel like you choose the same partnerships every time? Same personality traits, different face?
  • Do you have a hard time saying no?
  • You have a hard time saying yes to fun adventures?

If you answered yes to any of these questions there is some room for more joy in your world. Let’s do this!

Allowance of emotional expression is not passive. Quite the inverse. Allowing yourself a window of time to feel emotion is to express a level of bravery which leads to a chemical response in your nervous system.  Over time this brings a new perception of life. Externally illuminating emotions helps to calm the nervous system by diminishing the cortisol the body releases when guilt and shame are present. Expressing and allowing emotions also helps to increase dopamine and GABA (neurotransmitters of the brain) creating more availability for a stronger and clearer resolve to find balance in your experience of life.

One tool you can use is to set a timer and allow yourself 15 minutes to feel whatever emotion is up for you. Express in whatever way you feel led to for 15 minutes. Be mindful of others as well as your own safety, taking a bat to a wall may be a bad idea. This technique also goes for feeling the more enjoyable emotions as well. Sometimes when we get super excited, the body can read this as a stress. Balanced joy is the optimal place to be for a life well lived; when our emotions are like a roller coaster, we don’t get to enjoy the ride called life.

Would you like to learn more about processing emotion? There are a wealth of resources out there. Here are some links to my favorite books to get you started…

Emotional Support Smoothie

Our emotions are directly tied to our gut health. What we put into our bodies effects our emotions. I know there is a butt-ton of denial on this topic, but you might notice, the people who are are vehemently against the correlation of emotions and food tend to be overweight and grumpy AF.

Superfoods are considered nutrient dense. It is best to drink this shake in the morning for breakfast, for a natural long-time energy sustainer, or in the evening for dinner to aid in overnight assimilation. When using this smoothie as dinner, follow up with a Triphala and psyllium husk drink and a tall glass of water. This will further help clean the walls of the colon; It is important to keep the walls of our digestive system clean to maintain maximum nutrient absorption.

Ingredients

  • 1 scoop Perfect Food  (or any other greens/minerlizing or protien powder that you like)
  • 1 (frozen) banana
  • 1/2 avocado
  • 1/2 c. aloe vera juice (inner filet) (be careful wtih this, follow your gut)
  • 1 c. cococut juice
  • 1/2 c. pineapple juice
  • 2 tbs. coconut flakes
  • 1 tbs. chia seeds
  • 1tbs. bee pollen
  • 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
  • 1/2 tsp. tumeric

Blend and IN-joy!